I'll Go

Last Sunday I woke up convincing myself to skip church.  Just because of sluggishness.  But I couldn't think of a good excuse and the thought of skipping out on my Nursery leader and the Nursery children weighed heavily on my mind (I'm one of the Nursery assistant leaders, so I miss Sunday School and Relief Society meetings to attend to my calling in Nursery).  Of course the guilt of skipping out on Christ and punishing my kids for my sluggishness was a big factor too, so we went!  Then come this weekend I felt that sluggishness again.  Steven had a runny nose yesterday and I thought, well, that's a decent reason to miss church today, wouldn't want his Nursery mates to catch a cold, and it was going to be a day off for me from Nursery so I wouldn't be skipping out on my responsibilities there.  Oh, and the rainy weather was a motivator to stay home!  But I remembered my kids.  They need their church time so I kicked myself again and we went.  I'm so glad that we especially went today.  Being off from my Nursery duties I had an opportunity to attend Sunday School and the combined Priesthood and Relief Society meeting (our Nursery leader had arranged substitutes for me and another Nursery assistant so that we could attend the special 5th Sunday meeting).  I sooo enjoyed those last two hours of church!!  It was an awesome feeling attending Sunday School and discussing the scriptures.  It had been 10 months since I last attended one.  Then, the combined meeting was a nice treat as well.  Brother and Sister H. shared their testimonies, thoughts, facts, and encouragements about serving as Senior Missionaries.  They came back last year from serving a mission in Ethiopia.  After their talks, I wanted to sign up to serve!  But I need my other half to qualify and he doesn't qualify just yet.  Anyway, it wasn't until the closing song that I lost it!  The song was "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go ...(dear Lord)" and before I knew it, I was quitely sobbing with sleeping Steven in my arms (Nursery sent him back to me because he was crying too much!).  The song had affected me because I was where I should have been that 3hrs of this Sunday.  Heavenly Father wanted me to go to church and so I'm glad I was there!  In my sobs of realization and gratefulness, I recommitted myself to go and be where my dear Lord wants me to go.  ~My cup runneth over... my heart is full.  God is good.  I am happy!

Change of blog title

I'm enjoying reading books again! I fit it in my daily routine and it's doing something good to me. Can't describe it eloquently yet but I like it! Anyway, reading President Hinckley's book "Standing for Something" really shook me more than it was while I was reading it. There I came across a message he was discussing about negativity and the words it's a jungle out there written in black and white. I got to thinking about this family blog title "It's a jungle in here: but it's a lot of fun". Few of you who've followed me from the beginning know that the original title was "Jinx Pad: a place to nest my moments and such". I thought the jungle title was clever and went along with a favorite TV show's (Monk) theme song. Now I see negativity to it (subtle as it may be) so I'm doing away with it! I had a restless sleep last night wanting to take the title off quickly but I could not think of a new title to replace it until just a few minutes ago when I saw the book ... and thought, hey, why not?! So there the birth of a new title came about and the description fell into place as well.

Perhaps it's my way to remember and sustain the virtues that President Hinckley discussed. I want to walk away from this book knowing I learned something and will act on it. My little family life moments may not mean much to many, but it does to me. Here is a place where my children can one day look back and see how Dave and I worked to live by those virtues with hopes to become an eternal family. May our lives leave a legacy that we stood for something.

"My cup runneth over " day

Church meetings today was great! The sacrament talks about public affairs were interesting ... like that some people have incorrect views about The Church and individually we ought not react in defensive mode but rather answer based on basic principles; also that people's incorrect views would change if we simply live the gospel ... then people will see the truth. Moving on, Sunday school was fascinating! I like this teacher because he gets his students involved a lot and not do all the talking; plus, he seems to naturally bring in the Spirit. Then I felt the Spirit in Relief Society even with the brief time I was there (Nursery brought Steven back to me, so I spent most of the 3rd hour in Nursery with him). I forgot the opening song but I was privately in tears from the warmth I felt of the Holy Ghost testifying to me that I was in the right place. Anyway, at home the happy feeling continued. This evening I read an email from the Visiting Teaching coordinator saying nice things about me. But the fact is, I was guilty of being a hypocrite ... trying to motivate the sisters to do their visiting teaching while I was doing badly in mine (btw, I'm a visiting teaching supervisor)!! After reading her note, I went to a visiting teaching website and found myself reading addresses from prophets about the program and tears began to flow again! I was reminded of how important and wonderful this visiting teaching program is and can be to me personally. I also was reminded of my eagerness for this new year ... a sense of starting everything anew and getting my life organized. Like in this case, I want to be better at my calling and to do that, I need to become a good visiting teacher! And already I'm getting Heavenly Father's help ... I finally cornered one of the ladies I visit teach and have an appointment to visit her this week! More importantly, I'm feeling overwhelmed at how much He really cares for us to establish this program for each of us to take care of one another. I'm called to attention again that The Church is truly under the leadership of the Lord. Truly, a very "my cup runneth over" day!

My spiritual blog

I have been striving diligently to better myself and have been making goals as a tool to accomplish that. The complete list is written in my journal. I will tell you of two significant ones. One, I made back on the third week of August when I renewed my temple recommend; I set a goal to go to the temple once-a-week and have only missed one thus far. The second, I made a few days ago and started it into action yesterday; setting a goal to do scriptures study for at least 15 minutes each day. Then, as I was watching the morning session of General Conference yesterday, the idea of blogging about my scripture study came to mind. My mind began to be exceedingly full of ideas of the process that it overwhelmed me! I finally reached a simplified program and so came the birth of my spiritual blog. Yeay! You are certainly welcome to visit and see my progress of transforming my weakness of scripture reading to becoming my strength. I look forward to my quest to be a better person for the sake of my family. I look forward to the day that I am sealed to my husband and children. May God bless me in this journey. These I pray in the sacred name of Jesus Christ, amen.

FYI: You can find the link to my spiritual blog at the side bar under "About me" titled "My other blog" for future reference.

Dying to be kicked

In light of the recent deaths, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Micheal Jackson, and Billy Mays, I am reminded of my thoughts about dying. This during the latter part of my pregnancy with Sophia. I considered the thought that I might not make it through the c-section. I recall, while they were wheeling me to the surgery room, wanting to grab Dave’s hand and whisper my proclamation of my love for him and our kids and give my last wishes. I didn’t … thinking too movie drama-like. The thoughts again came when I was pregnant with Steven. Again wanting to grab Dave’s hand and share my fears and wishes. Needless to say, I survived the surgeries. I’m sure the anxiety had a lot to do with hormones but the fear was real. It gave me an opportunity to ask myself, “What legacy would I be leaving? What would family and friends remember about me? What would be their thoughts?” But above all, thinking “Oh crap, the house is a mess!”. People will think for sure that I’m cluttered in the head since I’ve got a cluttered home!

I am not ready to go! I’m embarrass to say so because … I am cluttered in the head!! Some of what people see is a face. I don’t have it all together. I’m an emotional eater, short tempered, a rat-pack, a procrastinator, hypertensive, scared, got the “only if …” syndrome, etc. But all this because I’ve got spiritual issues that need to be addressed. Someone kick me!! Hard. Maybe hit me with a frying pan.

Oddly enough, in the depths of me, I am grateful for Heavenly Father’s patience with me. I can’t help but feel his love and longing for me to succeed. He’s just waiting for me to do my part.