Dying to be kicked
In light of the recent deaths, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Micheal Jackson, and Billy Mays, I am reminded of my thoughts about dying. This during the latter part of my pregnancy with Sophia. I considered the thought that I might not make it through the c-section. I recall, while they were wheeling me to the surgery room, wanting to grab Dave’s hand and whisper my proclamation of my love for him and our kids and give my last wishes. I didn’t … thinking too movie drama-like. The thoughts again came when I was pregnant with Steven. Again wanting to grab Dave’s hand and share my fears and wishes. Needless to say, I survived the surgeries. I’m sure the anxiety had a lot to do with hormones but the fear was real. It gave me an opportunity to ask myself, “What legacy would I be leaving? What would family and friends remember about me? What would be their thoughts?” But above all, thinking “Oh crap, the house is a mess!”. People will think for sure that I’m cluttered in the head since I’ve got a cluttered home!
I am not ready to go! I’m embarrass to say so because … I am cluttered in the head!! Some of what people see is a face. I don’t have it all together. I’m an emotional eater, short tempered, a rat-pack, a procrastinator, hypertensive, scared, got the “only if …” syndrome, etc. But all this because I’ve got spiritual issues that need to be addressed. Someone kick me!! Hard. Maybe hit me with a frying pan.
Oddly enough, in the depths of me, I am grateful for Heavenly Father’s patience with me. I can’t help but feel his love and longing for me to succeed. He’s just waiting for me to do my part.
I am not ready to go! I’m embarrass to say so because … I am cluttered in the head!! Some of what people see is a face. I don’t have it all together. I’m an emotional eater, short tempered, a rat-pack, a procrastinator, hypertensive, scared, got the “only if …” syndrome, etc. But all this because I’ve got spiritual issues that need to be addressed. Someone kick me!! Hard. Maybe hit me with a frying pan.
Oddly enough, in the depths of me, I am grateful for Heavenly Father’s patience with me. I can’t help but feel his love and longing for me to succeed. He’s just waiting for me to do my part.
posted by Jinky at
8:50 PM
2 Comments:
Jinky, I LOVED your post. It really hit home for me and I can totally relate. Thanks for sharing.
-Jacki
We can all relate! :-) I think we are all a mess in our own way, but that is part of the beauty of life. We didn't come here to be perfect. We came here to experience opposition and imperfection. That is the only way that we can learn to recognize and comprehend true joy and happiness, and the only way that we will humble ourselves and turn to our Savior. I thank Heavenly Father every night that He is "lengthening out the days of my probation" and allowing me the time and the perfect atmosphere (my home with my family) to learn and grow in the ways that He'd like me to. Don't focus on all of the things that you are not; focus on all of the things that you have overcome and already become. You are a masterpiece and you have a perfect Creator. Be patient and allow Him the time to mold you in to who He knows you will become.
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